Ted Grimsrud

Portland Lectures #3—Contemporary Issues

Ted Grimsrud

Portland Mennonite Church—February 6, 2010

For this session, I have several topics to discuss.  I will not go into any of them in much depth, but hopefully say enough to stimulate discussion.  I guess the unifying theme here is how one inclusive thinker responds to many of the questions that come up concerning homosexuality.

Genes, Choices, Moral Analogies

Many people on the inclusive side emphasize the idea that gays and lesbians are “born that way,” hence the churches should affirm their sexual identity.  Now, I also believe that for many people with clear same-sex affectional attraction, there was no choice involved in this attraction.  And that’s an important point always to keep in mind.  I do think that for many (I’d say by far most) of us the directions our basic affectional orientations are pointed are not chosen.

However, I am troubled by the inclination toward genetic determinism.  I don’t think our behavior is determined by our genes.  I don’t have to act on my inclinations.  I agree with some on the restrictive side who argue that orientation and action are not the same—we could be oriented toward a particular kind of attraction, but it is our choice to act on that attraction.

So, I really want to focus on the question of whether there is something inherently wrong and sinful about the same-sexness of the intimate relationship?  Is there something simply about the nature of their relationship being between two women that makes my friends Jennifer and Ilse’s relationship wrong—even if their attraction toward women rather than men is innate?

The best way I can think of to illustrate this point is to talk a bit about moral analogies.

One analogy is with person who is born with an inclination toward alcoholism.  I’m no expert on alcoholism, and I know there are debates about how innate such an inclination is.  But it is commonly thought that some people are genetically disposed toward alcoholism.  The idea would be that the disposition toward alcoholism, to the extent it is something we are born with, is not in itself morally wrong.  We are not to blame for being born this way.  But the next point would be that we still have a choice about whether to pick up a drink or not.

So, the analogy with the innate disposition toward alcoholism would suggest that people indeed may be born affectionally oriented toward people of their same sex.  They can’t help it, and being “gay” or “lesbian” or “bi-sexual” in the sense of the innate affectional orientation is not morally wrong.  However, because same-sex intimate relationships are nonetheless wrong, it is thus morally wrong to act on that affectional orientation by entering into a same-sex intimate relationship.  With this analogy, then, we’d say that being born gay or lesbian in terms of orientation is not wrong; we’d grant the reality of such an orientation.  But this orientation does not make it morally acceptable to act on it.

A second analogy would be someone who is born left-handed.  Here the analogy would work to see same-sex attraction as normal and healthy, even though in the past it has often been seen as problematic.  Though we don’t really understand why it happens, we do now see it having a strong genetic component.  One can resist one’s innate disposition toward lefthandedness and force oneself to do things with one’s right hand.  But we would now say that is foolish—there’s simply nothing wrong with being lefthanded.  And it can be emotionally damaging not to accept that.  Being left-handed and being attracted to the same sex have no moral element at all, nor is either a defect.  They are simply one way of being human.

Consider ways that left-handedness is analogous with same-sex affectional orientation.  In both cases, the origins of the condition remain mysterious.  Probably 5 to 10% of the population is strictly left-handed, some are “both-handed,” and the large majority is right-handed—similar to some estimations of the breakdown of people’s primary affection attractions.

Despite intense attempts to change handedness, it has proved to be unchangeable in many cases.  In the past, before social mores changed, many left-handed people were able to “pass” as right-handed even though they remained strictly left-handed in their basic orientation.

In many cultures left-handedness has been seen as shameful.  It has often been associated with inherent impurity, even with the powers of evil.  Even in the Bible, the left side is associated with being condemned by God and the right side with being blessed by God (for example, the judgment scene in Matthew 25).

In recent years, though, cultural mores have changed and, more and more, left-handed people are welcomed as left-handers with no stigma attached.  Such acceptance has not resulted in any negative effects on the wider culture.  In North America, nonetheless, there are people still alive who have felt traumatized by the opposition they have faced for their left-handedness and their failed attempts to change.

A clear cultural consensus has emerged in North America by now that it is “normal” for our society to have a small percentage of people who are “abnormal” in their handedness, and that this abnormality does not threaten the right-handedness of the vast majority.  In our culture, now, the basic goal with regard to left-handedness seems to be to accept left-handers as they are and to adapt to their needs.  In fact, it is accepted now by at least some people in our culture that it is appropriate to celebrate some of the unique attributes that left-handed people have.

So, with this comparison of left-handedness and same-sex affectional orientation, I would suggest that the genetic argument is not of central importance for an inclusive position.  The key issue is the conclusion that, as with left-handedness, there clearly is nothing inherently wrong with same-sex affectional orientation—and that acting on this orientation is also not inherently morally wrong (and I’ll have more to say on this lack of inherent wrongness shortly).

Are Same-Sex Intimate Partnerships Inherently Harmful?

Numerous restrictive writers cite as evidence that same-sex sexual intimacy is morally wrong the idea that it links directly with damaging health consequences. Certainly great human harm does result from the sexual behavior of some gay men—both physical problems and emotional problems related in large part to the consequences of promiscuity.  However, I find it difficult to see how any of these problems are related to the “same-sexness” of the partnership per se.  Promiscuous heterosexuals have the same kinds of problems—and non-promiscuous same-sexers do not.  The problems are related to promiscuity, not same-sexness.  And certainly women in same-sex relationships do not take the same kind of physical risks men do.

There do exist same-sex partnerships for both men and women that are healthy and life giving.  These include several of my own friends—including a couple still going strong after 40 years.  These examples challenge the notion that same-sex partnerships are inherently harmful.

Some sexual behaviors among heterosexual people are harmful – coercive sex, sexually-transmitted diseases, promiscuity, unfaithfulness.  Heterosexuals struggle to remain committed in covenanted relationships; divorce rates soar.  However, we do not, in light of these problems, generalize about “heterosexual practice” being wrong.  Harmfulness within heterosexual intimate relationships challenges us to seek ways to foster more healthy relationships; such harmfulness does not lead us to deny the validity of heterosexual intimate relationships.  We know that most human beings flourish best when they are in healthy marriages.

I see no logical reason why we cannot approach same-sex partnerships in the same way—the reality of harm in same-sex relationships should not be grounds to condemn all such relationships; rather, as with harm in heterosexual relationships, this should be a call to work as encouraging healthy ways of relating.

If we suspect that there is something about same-sexness that is intrinsically harmful, we should examine the best and most healthy same-sex relationships.  So we would need to find something that is harmful, say, the relationship I have been talking about with Ilse and Jennifer.

Are Same-Sex Marriages a Threat to Heterosexual Marriage?

Many “restrictive” writers assert that Genesis one and two establish the importance of marriage as built into creation itself.  God populates the earth (“be fruitful and multiply”) through heterosexual marriage and heterosexual marriage provides for human companionship.  Departure from this norm, they suggest, threatens the very fabric of human community.

And, they add, Jesus directly quotes from Genesis in asserting the centrality of heterosexual marriage to God’s will for human life.  Jesus did not need to say more than simply that God requires sexuality to be expressed in the context of male/female marriage relationships to make clear his rejection of all possible same-sex intimate relationships.

However, using the creation account and other allusions to male/female marriage as a basis for condemning all same-sex sexual expression makes a point that the texts themselves do not make.  No biblical allusions to marriage or male/female sexuality say that therefore same-sex sexuality is wrong.  And none of the texts that allegedly reject same-sex sexual intimacy directly refer to the creation account.

We may agree that the Bible presents procreative sex between males and females as normative in the context of male/female marriage.  However, logically, we are not forced to conclude from this that all other expressions of sexuality are wrong or are threats to this norm.  Our faith communities now accept as morally legitimate some forms of non-procreative sexual expression (sex between infertile married partners, sex when the partners use birth control, masturbation) without understanding them to threaten the biblical norm.  So there would seem to be no reason why faith communities would have to assume that another form of non-procreative sex (between two people of the same sex) inherently threatens the norm.

Restrictive writers, in drawing upon what they see as a normative biblical view of marriage, ignore the fact that the Bible portrays marriage in quite varied ways.  An obvious example is the biblical portrayal of polygamy.  The Bible portrays polygamy as a normal form marriage throughout the Old Testament—and never overtly rejects that relationship pattern in the New Testament.  The Bible also notoriously seems to assume a strongly patriarchal notion of marriage, in which wives are essentially thought of as their husband’s property.

Our present-day understanding of marriage as one man, one woman, equal partners for life is not the only picture in the Bible.  So, to question whether same-gender committed relationships are inherently wrong because they supposedly violate “the one biblical view of marriage” as only between one male and one female doesn’t seem unreasonable.

The restrictive position seems to assume a static, timeless notion of normativity in relation to marriage – as if one ancient book sets the once-and-for all standard.  But the Bible does not actually have just one view of marriage. Human understandings of marriage are thoroughly culturally embedded and not based on a clear “order of creation.” We have no clear, absolute, once-for-all standard for marriage that provides an essential criterion for judging same-gender committed relations as inherently contrary to God’s will.

Our understandings of marriage in the churches (assumed by the restrictive position and read back into the Bible as the one biblical view) surely accurately draw upon some biblical themes.  However, as we consider such values as companionship, fidelity, mutuality, friendship, buildings block for community, childrearing, and procreation, we see that these attributes may also characterize same-gender committed relationships along with heterosexual marriages.

The idea that same-sex marriage would in some way undercut our commitment to the importance of heterosexual marriage seems illogical to me.  Look at the failure of our churches and wider culture to sustain permanent heterosexual marriages.  To think that now gay marriage is a threat to heterosexual marriage seems misguided—obviously other things have created the crisis.  Blessing people who want to make a commitment of fidelity to one person for life would, I think, only strengthen the broader institution of marriage (and perhaps provide heterosexual people with some positive role models!).

It is true that the Bible only speaks of marriage between men and women.  Such biblical allusions encourage us to value marriage a great deal and should lead the churches to work hard at supporting the child-rearing task many marriages have.  However, I simply don’t see a connection between valuing heterosexual marriage and childrearing as our norm on the one hand (which I strongly do) and finding same-sex marriage to be bad on the other hand (which I don’t).

To be an exception to the norm need not make something a threat to that norm.  We affirm other exceptions to the norm of male + female for life + children without seeing them as a threat—for example, marriages without children and second marriages for divorced folks.  Why can’t we see same-sex marriage as complementary to heterosexual marriage—a way to affirm another kind of life partnership that operates with fidelity and commitment in satisfying the human need for emotional and physical intimacy?

Compare “Heterosexualities” with “Homosexualities”

It seems that people on the restrictive side argue against what they call “homosexual practice” as if they are talking about a single phenomenon—one blanket practice for all gay and lesbian ways of relating, one blanket lifestyle for all sexually active gays and lesbians.

This tendency toward such generalizations does not happen with regard to heterosexuals.  We don’t talk about “heterosexual practice” or “the heterosexual lifestyle” because we know such terms can have little meaning.  We have many different kinds of “heterosexual practices,” many kinds of “heterosexual lifestyles.”  Well, there is no reason not to recognize that we also have many different kinds of “homosexual practices” and “homosexual lifestyles.”

Let’s think about “heterosexual practices.”  We could make a list, starting at the top with the most clearly acceptable and working down to what we would see as the most morally problematic.  We could start with “platonic” friendship move down to dating, to increasing levels of physical intimacy, to sexual intercourse in the context of marriage—then we could go on to adultery, promiscuity, and coercive sex.  We’d likely draw the line of moral acceptability between sex in marriage and adultery.

I’d suggest we could make the same exact list with “homosexual practices.”  There are just as many, with just the same kind of moral distinctions between what is to be affirmed and what is not to be affirmed.  If we were to draw such parallel lists and reflect on them morally, I think we would notice several things.

For one, we’d see that heterosexuals have a lot of moral problems with their sexual practices.  This fact indicates that whatever questions we might have about the morality of “homosexual practices,” we need to recognize that “heterosexual practices” are also highly problematic.  I would suggest that we heterosexuals really are much better off forgetting about condemning the “homosexual practices” that would be above our line of morally appropriate sexual practices and focus our energies as getting out own house in order.

We will notice that advocates of same-sex marriage (stable, covenanted, monogamous, life-commitment relationships) do not do so because of an anything goes kind of spirit.  In fact, they affirm the same kind of moral convictions that lead heterosexuals to make distinctions between morally appropriate and morally inappropriate forms of sexual behavior.  The spectrum ranging from appropriate to inappropriate sexual behavior is the same for both “lifestyles.”

This means that those who affirm the value of marriage should be making common cause—both in favor of supporting and encouraging people in their marriage partnerships and in challenging those who affirm (or at least practice) sexual intimacy outside of such partnerships.

Take Ilse and Jennifer’s relationship.  If we were to draw a constellation of all contexts for sexual intimacy, wouldn’t they have much more in common with, say, my marriage than with the gay bath houses in San Francisco in the hedonist hay day?  Wouldn’t heterosexual “hooking up” be way more problematic than the kind of committed relationship Ilse and Jennifer have?  Wouldn’t the kind of commitment seen in their relationship be something we should encourage?

And another question: don’t we run a danger of pushing gays and lesbians more into problematic behavior if we don’t make the same kind of distinction between healthy and unhealthy ways of relating that we do for heterosexual people?

I don’t see any inconsistency between affirming the moral legitimacy of same-sex marriage and believing in the intrinsic sinfulness of sex outside of marriage.  It clearly seems to be possible to hold to all of these views following from the same basic theological-ethical methodology. For me, support for gay marriage follows from an affirmation of marriage as the only legitimate context for full sexual intimacy.  Such support is part of a high view of marriage.

The “Sanctity” of Marriage

I affirm the sanctity of marriage while suggesting that we have the freedom to expand our definition of marriage to include same-sex couples (but not to minimize in any way that fidelity, mutuality, lifetime commitment, and accountability before God in the faith community are part of the definition of marriage).  I do not mean to relativize our commitment to marriage.  I fail to see how affirming the commitments of those same-sex couples who want to pledge their lifetime troth to one another before God and the church “relativizes” marriage – especially in light of the horrendous failure rate of married heterosexual couples to remain faithful to their commitments.

The allusions to “male and female” in Genesis and Jesus do clearly describe the typical intimate relationship.  However, they are not overtly presented as an exclusive prescription.  The central points being made in these two texts have to do with issues other than denying the potential validity of same sex marriage.  I don’t see marriage as exclusively male and female as a positive, overt “biblical teaching.”  It is at most an inference.

What specifically is “unholy” about Ilse and Jennifer’s relationship?  In every observable sense they are holy in how they live (their relationship is characterized by grace, beauty, and mutual up-building; they have worship of God and commitment to Jesus as central in their lives; they do many works of service and compassion).  So, why is simply the fact that they are both women enough to condemn their relationship?  Marriage is a crucial, God-established means of facilitating human flourishing. I see in a number of same-sex couples I know, genuine flourishing (including in a few cases the nurturing of children).

Today, we would agree that heterosexual couples that remain childless still may flourish.  Many Christians would also agree that people who are divorced and remarried may still flourish even if they were not in their first marriages able to sustain the life-long promise.  So, we do have precedents for a bit more flexibility in how we think of marriage in the context of human flourishing.

What broader purposes are served by marriage?  Why is it so important?  The central purposes may include, among others, providing a context for the deepest expressions of love, joy, and intimacy with another human being; the nurture of children; providing stability and the basic building blocks for human community; and discipline for fidelity and resistance to the terrible problems caused by adultery and promiscuity.

Are any of these broader purposes not possible to be met in same-sex marriages?  I don’t see why not.

“Justice” and “Sin”

I believe that when the churches do recognize particular types of behavior as sinful, they should in some sense (depending on the situations—this is an important element of pastoral discernment) restrict the participation in the churches of those guilty of such sinful behavior.  I am most decidedly not advocating “cheap grace” nor wanting to establish in the churches a practice of inclusion without moral accountability.

I am not arguing that the importance of hospitality and inclusion proves that the churches should uncritically welcome all gays and lesbians into full participation regardless of whether they are violating the churches’ standards concerning covenant fidelity as the context for sexual intimacy.  I am simply saying that the churches are enjoined by the importance of the call to hospitality to be very careful and solid in our discernment before we conclude that those Christians sharing in same-sex, monogamous covenanted intimate relationships are per se living in sin and should have their participation in our communities restricted.

I believe supporters of same-sex marriage in the churches do not have to base their position on a lessening of the rigor of Christian ethical standards.  In fact, it is because of my desire to be ethically rigorous, faithful to God’s revealed will through Torah, Jesus’ message, and the rest of the Bible, that I believe in inclusiveness.  What makes same-sex marriage morally acceptable is that the Bible establishes a benefit of the doubt in favor of hospitality toward vulnerable people (such as present-day gays and lesbians), affirms the value of monogamous life-long marriage partnerships, and provides no clear reasons to disqualify same-sex couples from the blessings and responsibilities of the marriage covenant.

So, the “sin” issue in relation to the argument I develop is not whether or not we should be strict in opposing sin.  Taking an inclusive stance concerning gay marriage while still holding to high ethical standards concerning sex outside of marriage seems totally consistent to me.  The “sin” issue in my argument is whether or not we define gay marriage as intrinsically sinful.

My argument is fully compatible with the strictest opposition to sexual promiscuity, adultery, impurity, sin, and lustful sensuality.  My argument is fully compatible with the highest commitment to permanence in marriage, fidelity, and sexual exclusivity in that context.  The issue of difference is simply about whether same-sex covenanted partnerships can legitimately be seen within the framework of these high standards for sexual expression.

I think about themes of “justice/righteousness, faith/trust/faithfulness, holiness, sanctification (as these relate to salvation, redemption, repentance, the Christian community)” relationally.  The God of the Bible, as I read it, in regard to human beings is above all interested in whole relationships.

In the biblical story, God’s response to human rejection was grief and a resolve to restore these broken relationships through persevering love.  Justice has to do with restoring to wholeness that which has been broken.  Holiness is the involvement of God in cleansing rebellious human beings of our corruption (if we will let God do this).  I understand the Greek word pistis as having a rich meaning that includes trust and faithfulness.  To have “faith” in the biblical sense is to trust in God as the object of worship, to turn from idolatry and sin, and to live faithfully in response to the commands of God that are given as part of God merciful healing initiative.  A faithful, holy, and just person believes in God, repents of one’s sin, turns from idols, accepts God’s forgiveness with gratitude, and responds to God’s generosity and justice by living with generosity and justice in relationship to other people.

In my book, God’s Healing Strategy, I present God’s “strategy” of blessing all the families of the earth through the witness of Abraham’s descendants as a central rubric in the Bible.  “Healing,” of course, implies that something is wrong that needs transformation.  That is, I read the Bible as containing a message of sharp critique of the human condition, a call to repentance/turning to God, and a call to transformative/restorative justice that manifests God’s holiness as a disposition to heal that which has been damaged – in the human heart and in human societies.

Gay people are no different than non-gay people – we all need to trust, to respond with faithfulness, to imitate Jesus’ way of the cross.  “Living under the power of sin” is a tragedy for everyone who does so – and we all need to be cleansed of our sin and freed from idolatry by our trust in God’s mercy expressed in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection – gays, as gays, no more or less than anyone else.

I believe the issue to be this: for gays, would their marrying a person of the same sex itself be a cause for alienation with God?  I would say no, not because I don’t think genuine sin (wickedness, idolatry, injustice) leads to alienation with God.  All people who live in sin will alienate themselves from God and make themselves subject to God’s wrath.  A gay person who worships the nation-state, who oppresses other people, who is greedy, who lives in bondage to sexual promiscuity, will be alienated from God – in the same way a straight person will be.  However, this alienation will have nothing to do with that person being gay or being married to a person of the same sex.

The importance of hospitality in this constellation of biblical themes is that it goes hand-in-glove with justice/holiness/faithfulness.  We see a clear expression of this in Leviticus 19, where at the heart of the Holiness Code holiness itself is presented in terms of offering caring attention to vulnerable people in the community (widows, orphans, resident aliens).

I understand gay and lesbian people in our society to be a present-day example of vulnerable people – all too often treated disrespectfully, even violently.  The call to hospitality is a call to reach out with care to these vulnerable ones.  Such care does not imply a lessening of our core moral imperatives concerning values such as sexual purity.  However, I am suggesting, we should take care to make sure we have clear and strong bases for, amidst our care, drawing a line that would restrict the involvement of these vulnerable people in our faith communities.

As an expression of our commitment to living in harmony with our justice-seeking, holy God, we seek to imitate Jesus’ style of welcome.  Jesus differentiated between “sinners” such as, on the one hand, the woman caught in adultery who was both forgiven and challenged by Jesus to change her ways and, on the other hand, poor or ill people who were declared unclean due to the cultural biases of the religious institutions and offered unconditional welcome by Jesus.  These latter cases of welcome by Jesus did not signal a weakening in his commitment to holiness; in fact, they were expressions of such a commitment.

If it turns out that we do not have clear, strong biblical and theological bases for taking a restrictive stance toward same-sex couples (which is what I have tried to show is the case), we are upholding the biblical call to holiness and righteousness when we offer welcome to these couples – and hold all accountable to our shared calling to ethical rigor and faithfulness.

What About MC USA?

My basic argument concerning homosexuality and, especially the legitimacy of Christians affirming same-sex marriage, centers on trying to show that the Bible does indeed incline us to an inclusive stance with its emphasis on hospitality—and that none of the main arguments given by those advocating the restrictive side overturn this inclination.  Now, whether you find my arguments persuasive or not, I think it would be worth closing with a few thoughts about where I would see this argument leading the Mennonite churches.

I recognize that regardless of the validity of my argument in this chapter, the Mennonite Church USA as a whole (my denomination) is far from accepting it.  My main hope would be simply that the perspective I have presented here could play a role in the MC USA’s on-going discernment processes.

At this point, I envision the need for two short-term outcomes.  The first is that we could reach a consensus that we need on-going, open, and safe discernment processes where we recognize the diversity of perspectives that currently exists within our denomination.  The diversity runs too deep and too wide for us to find unanimity on the inclusive/restrictive debate in the near future.  Hence, our biggest immediate challenge is to find a way to step back from fearfulness and threats to break fellowship and listen to each other.

I admit that I have reduced my emotional investment in denominational concerns over the last several years, so I am not fully current with the status of these issues right now.  There are signs, though, it would appear, that the church as a whole may be moving toward more openness to discernment processes that include various perspectives.  Maybe the publication of the book Mark and I wrote by Herald Press is one small indication.

The second short-term outcome seems less clearly to be happening, but seems to me to be necessary for the denomination to move forward.  This would be acceptance of a more congregational polity, similar to that practiced by the former General Conference Mennonite Church, that respects that especially membership issues should be decided on the congregational level.  Right now, I have the impression that some churches, at least, are inhibited in open discernment processes out of fear of getting in trouble with their various conferences.

Nonetheless, on the “homosexuality issue” especially, given the complexity of the arguments and diversity of conclusions throughout the denomination, the most legitimate context for discernment is on the face-to-face, directly accountable level of the local congregation.  As was the case with the General Conference, once a congregation is welcomed as part of the denomination, the discernment within each congregation would be respected and not put under threat of being challenged by the broader conference and denomination.

Neither of these outcomes, (1) fostering safe and open discernment processes respecting the existing diversity within our denomination and (2) accepting that membership issues are a matter of congregational discernment, will resolve all the issues.  However, they seem to me to be prerequisites for the Mennonite Church to move beyond the chaos that surrounds us now.

Additionally, I hope that most of us might agree on the importance of the church’s role in supporting its members in their intimate relationships.  Today’s American Christian churches encounter major challenges in the face of failed heterosexual marriages, in the face of sexual misbehavior of all kinds.  I believe that all of us who believe in fidelity and monogamy and sexual intimacy only in the context of covenanted relationships should make common cause – welcoming committed same-sex partnerships and calling all in the churches to faithfulness and high ethical standards within covenanted relationships.

  1. Ted, I have read all three of these lectures and want to say a hearty thank you for your fair-mindedness and spirit of love you have shown in these lectures. It is so helpful to see, as you do, that the real issues are not the “same-sexness!” My life story from an “eager to please” Mennonite boy to full acceptance of myself as a gay man has been a journey that led me from a marriage of 22 years to an long term relationship with my partner now of twenty years. Except for the BMC and Connected Families group, I have not been in the Mennonite Church. But, since writing my book and being part of the Pink Menno group at Columbus last July, I have been reconsidering if there is a welcome for me now in the MC. Your articles give me some hope that there may be. I affirm your courage in speaking out for justice and inclusion.

  2. This is the first time I have read an attempt to create from scripture an affirmation of homosexuality. During Vietnam I heard so many argue there is no greater love then to lay down your life for a friend as compelling Christian mandate for war. Sometimes we bend over backward trying to make something say what we want.

    While this issue is so far removed from my experience it opens a wound in my soul so deep I think about it daily even though it is now 5 years now since our small congregation divided because of this issue even though we had no gay persons in the congregation. I wrote my story to a person supporting the “pink mennos” at Columbus. I just wanted someone to know the enormous pain such action inflicts to persons thousands of miles away not even involved in the issue…..so I’ll copy and paste that here:

    I love this Mennonite Church also. From the Days of the Vietnam War at State University a Christian theology that combined faith and deed became the healing of a crisis of faith for me. A theology which married a belief and practice, conviction and sacrifice, thought and discipline made sense to me. I want this church to prosper above all else.

    I love the people of this church. I experienced learning to know our farmer bishop in overalls, pastor as mechanic, moderator of conference as school teacher…..these were not egos, performers, or professionals but volunteers responding to God’s call. As a business person I wanted these persons to prosper and find fulfillment in their work also. Time after time I witnessed their giving it all literally, in their time and financially. Sitting on the pews I am committed the same way.

    We had a pastor at our little country church who we loved a great deal. He gave life to this little church and my children benefited a great deal. He was extremely articulate and popular with the young people. He carried himself with confidence like one might expect from former football player married to the cheerleader. He would say that he came to Christ finding freedom from a pornography addition. If there was an over riding theme to his messages I believe it would be celebrating a life of salvation and purity. I was happy with this message. Certainly I was exposed to all the excesses of the counter culture from the 70’s and I believed this to be an important message.

    Our Pastor gave frequent criticisms of the broader church compromising this conviction of sexual purity. This was hard for me to accept. Maybe I was not as sensitive to these things as he was. Personally sexual issues were pretty far removed the motivating ambitions of my life. I was totally happy, single, celiate till I was 25 when I met my wife. Even though I work a photography business which one might think to be a sexually charged profession, struggling with faithfulness to my spouse doesn’t seem to cross my radar thankfully. But our pastor seemed very concerned and continued to voice his criticisms.

    So I went to our biannual conferences at Atlanta and Charlotte to find out what the problems were…..there were no problems….these conferences were wonderful. I took lots of pictures and came back giving glowing reports of a healthy faithful church. I wanted establish a sense of confidence in the church.
    My concerns were not listened too. Five years ago our Pastor and his leadership team announced they were leaving the Lancaster conference and the Mennonite Church. This just killed me. We were just a small church of 110 persons. Half were young people who came in response to a coffeehouse ministry I was involved in. We loved these people dearly and gave everything we had to make our church life meaningful for them. But we also loved the Mennonite church. When we objected our bishop stepped in and took a survey. In our congregation of 100 members 51 persons wanted to stay with the Mennonite Church. So our pastor said we need to divide. Today we are only 50 mostly older people. Seven young people whose parents worship with us stayed but with so much anguish/loss. I continue to grieve every Sunday even though it’s been 5 years and good things are happening. We sponsor 2 refugee families from Burma which give us children to nurture. But we live with this great loss.

    The half who left joined a church plant which our district invested so much money in starting in our district area. They also left the conference over the same concerns. Actually this March I traveled with the pastor from this Church plant on an Eastern Mennonite Missions trip in Egypt and Israel. We had conversations about the Mennonite Church. I expressed so much confidence in the leadership of the Mennonite Church. I had heard Greg Boyd at the Mennonite Education Conference who was going to keynote Assembly and I was excited about that.

    I could not go to Columbus…..our youngest son was getting married the next weekend. But you can imagine when the only news the our Lancaster newspapers covered of our Mennonite Conference in Columbus was the content they received from a news conference held by the Pink Mennos…..it really killed me. Where was the news of the dynamite speakers….the discussion on health care….the youth rallies….the service experiences??? How did this happen?

    Again I met the pastor of the church plant one week after my son’s wedding at a mission meeting. He asked me if I read the article. Of course I said I did…..what could I say. He didn’t say anything……he just shook his head. All I could say is I wonder what the real story is.

    Then the conference printed Jim Schrag’s letter. I realized what had happed. But what enormous damage to conference already occurred. Several more congregations leave….. The leaders demoralized…….victims of sabotage / power play. Jim’s letter only reached church members. All those outside look on the Mennonite Church like another Episcopal Church feel fully justified in leaving.

    The strength of the Mennonite church always has been that scripture is authoritative. Willard Swartley’s book on homosexuality is an example of one who respect’s scriptures. Somehow in our sexually charged culture of ours if we are going to have any church community at all we really need to build from the book. You may agree with me that this is not way our current world is taught things. I helped sponsored 14 of our young people go to an YWAM missions exercise. Actually this was not a positive experience. The strong emphasis was on praying and listening to God which may sound good but what happened was they heard God say this and that which meant this and that with little regard for anything else. God became a creation of their personal imagination. If someone saw a sword in Ohio that our congregation is supposed to divide that has to be God’s will no matter what. How can one deal with a theology like that? It doesn’t build community.

    I am the first person to admit I know less then nothing about anything related to homosexuality. I did not know anybody as homosexual until I was about 35 years old. Here my old friend who I knelt beside when I was baptized called me for an appointment to have portraits taken. I had not seen him for 20 years even though he had been a friend in a neighboring church. I was so happy to see him and we talked for an hour about everything under the sun. He talked about all the places he’s been……I knew he had not been in church your years so I kidded him about my belief that he was destined to be a minister…(he is a gifted public speaker, winning first place in a national contest in Kansas back in high school). He laughed. Later when he ordered photos he ordered 160 wallets it seemed strange to me….I can’t remember what I said but he said he keeps lots of pen pals. I still never thought anything about it. Sometime later I learned that my friend was a practicing homosexual and I wondered is that what 160 pen pals is all about. It made me really sad to think about that. Since then I meet him occasionally as he lives in my community.

    He is still my friend. I wish I could have him sit beside me in church. He knows he is welcome but he himself doesn’t claim his walk is Christian. Outside of this and one other situation I know of where a father and husband walks away from a marriage because he claimed he was now gay are the only contacts I have with. But no person I know personally claims to be a disciple of Christ and practicing gay. Most gay information is the vulgar smut on bathroom walls. So it is really hard for me to imagine a “holy” gay relationship. Honestly, I wonder if this call for gay recognition isn’t similar to authority of vision, imagination, and experience of our YWAM young people. A serious Willard Swartley study doesn’t even show up on the radar screen. Could this be true?

    I’m sure you have heard all the comments it is possible for anyone to say so it probably silly to write anything…..but you did write in the Mennonite so I felt it would be OK to at least introduce myself as person who suffers so much loss and grieves a great deal by this controversy.

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